august

a poem for a farewell

I am feeling growing pains, like a knife in my back. Most days I wake up nostalgic and wanting you back. But it’s all a slim memory that has slipped between the crack. The small opening between being good and going slack.

There is silence in the space after you leave. Often I think it’s because of me. Something I did must have caused you to believe, that I am just simple; white tee and faded jeans.

You have never called me, well that’s a lie. Only once you dialed but the time wasn’t right. I was still sleeping, dreaming of your eye- it’s solid composure, still blue at night.

Every time I paint my nails, I think of you. All the days I wasted, waiting for a dream come true. It was pointless and practiced and played through. But I was honest, so innocent, mind straight from the womb.

Like an echo or a wave or a wandering voice, you are the reason I will swear off boys. I will turn away from society, I’ve made my choice, and become sweet and solemn- like a statue still poised.

There is wanting and anger in my presence now. No matter what you say, it can’t be turned down. I have opened up and now I’ve fallen out. The love you gave is rotting in a carousel, spinning round and round.

It stinks up the atmosphere, the invisible air. It gets stuck to my window and the strands of my hair. And even when I get old and I’m too aged to care, I will still look for you everywhere.